Imposter Syndrome

The thought popped into my head after reading Edward Robson’s piece: “What Kind of Man Turns down a Woman”. It hit me right between the eyes. It was so good that I didn’t even notice the picture of “Beautiful Delilah” until I’d finished reading the whole article.

I freelance for a word mill (I think that’s what they’re called), and by the way, if you freelance for one company only, are you a freelancer or a casual? Anyways, at this word mill, I had been given many diverse topics.

Last month alone, I wrote more than 33 000 words for this company ranging from gambling to summer hats. After I completed the 33 000 words, the editor (I hear it’s what he specializes in) sent me straight to coaching. Gaaarsh was I rabid!

It coincided with me being booked into isolation after my hypochondriac roommate contracted the virus and reported me as a close contact. So here I was in this spacious but bare ensuite getting my food brought to me by featureless hazmats.

During those ten days, all I had to do was write, but I sat there doing everything and anything but write. I never knew I could be so busy with so little to do. If you’ve been to an isolation facility, you’ll know it’s nigh impossible to be busy with anything; accept lying on your back. Okay, fair enough; If you want to be a bit more active, you can sit up, but that’s it!

Fortunately, I’d brought my laptop along, and there was wifi so I could have written for this company and run up a score-but I mooched. I think it was partially because my ego was fractured.

They said something about it not being my writing but rather my adherence (or lack thereof) to the job card instructions. This was about keywords and word counts and all things content writing.

It’s not the first time I’ve received criticism like that. When I used to work in the hospitality industry, one of my mentors hit the nail on the head. “You’re really good at doing your own thing,” he yelled regularly. I suppose he’s right, but blame it on my parents.

I guess writing is pretty much like carpentry; you can’t call yourself a carpenter just because you’ve nailed two planks together.